I acquired an ever so pretty e mail from a reader named Cindy who not too way back stumbled throughout my weblog posts about getting two cats to get alongside.
She’s herself on this scenario and requested for some extra assist if I had any to supply her for her specific case.
The TLDR (i.e. “too lengthy didn’t learn”) model of her thorough message to me is the next abstract:
She’s newly adopted a kitten, who she’s head over heels in love with (so completely satisfied for her!). She has an older cat who’s round 5 years outdated, and this older cat has all the time had points with nervousness to an extent.
The 2 cats don’t get alongside however she doesn’t essentially thoughts in the event that they’re not greatest buddies. She’s simply hoping she will get them to co-exist. And has used a whole lot of the guidelines and methods I discussed in my articles, and is asking if there’s any extra recommendation I can provide her.
As I discussed, in her message she stated she learn by my articles on this matter and talked about she’d learn two, so I hope you don’t thoughts that I hyperlink them now in case you need to learn them your self beforehand.
To my information they’re:
- Methods to Get Two Cats to Get Alongside: What I Did & Sure, It Completely Labored &
- My Lap Cat’s Character Didn’t Change After I Acquired a Second Cat (This Did…)
These are each articles I wrote about my very own private expertise. Earlier than I had two cats I’d written some recommendation in these articles on the subject of getting two cats to get alongside as nicely:
So you may test these out too, as lots of the suggestions are nonetheless related.
Now time to indicate you her e mail so you may delve into the main points of her scenario if you happen to’d like. As a heads up, it’s a really lengthy e mail, so you may skip previous it if you happen to like, however I LOVE lengthy emails that give such detailed explanations of what’s taking place to your cats at dwelling, as a result of they assist establish issues that may be mounted a lot extra simply.
So please oh please, if you happen to take the time to succeed in out to me with a cat-related drawback, please be happy to rant on and on and go away me as a lot info as you may, as a result of it’s extremely helpful in getting me to see a fuller image of what life is like in your cats after which provide rather more custom-tailored recommendation to you.
And actually please in case you are eager about asking me a query completely don’t hesitate to. I like to get these and assist any manner I can. I simply need all our kitties to be completely satisfied and wholesome so I attempt to assist if there are any bits of recommendation or suggestions I can share!
However with out additional ado – her e mail to me, and my recommendation to observe…
Cindy’s Story: An Grownup Cat & Newly Adopted Kitten Not Getting Alongside – Is There Hope?
Hello Elise,
I discovered your web site immediately and have discovered it distinctive (lots of your concepts I’ve not heard earlier than) and…I hope…useful
Right here’s my scenario.
simply adopted a 3 month outdated kitten Whois just about excellent! He’s sensible, loving, candy and responds in methods I perceive. Which means I’ve had cats my entire life and he responds in ways in which make sense to me. No drawback right here. Simply pleasure!
My drawback is my different cat who’s a 5 12 months outdated feminine that I’ve had since she was 8 weeks outdated.
Sadly, she was separated from her mom and siblings for a time period (don’t understand how lengthy) earlier than she was given to me. She got here from a farm. Her mom a barn cat. We stay within the Bay Space and the summer season she was born the Napa Fires (Napa Valley, Ca) have been to horrible that although we stay 30 miles away…our air was significantly polluted with smoke. Dolly (her identify) had a critical respiratory an infection because of the smoke, that the proprietor thought was another sickness so she separated her from her litter mates and mom.
So…she got here to me..bodily and emotionally broken. Fixing her bodily was straightforward. A visit to the vet and antibiotics is all it took. Fixing her insecurities have been an ongoing venture. I’ve spoiled and liked her in each manner I understand how over the previous 5 years. However, she stays painfully shy, frightened of just about the whole lot and everybody.
Through the previous 5 years…,Covid hit…bringing with it its isolation ( so socialization didn’t occur) in addition to my husband has been recognized with Parkinson’s and I’m his caretaker. The ‘excellent news’ is I’ve been dwelling with Dolly 24/7 as that is required to care for my husband. However, as I stated…this isolation from Covid as wells my husband wants assist with all his fundamental wants (wheelchair/mattress certain…wants assist with dressing, consuming, lavatory, and so on.)…I point out all this as a result of this main transition from main regular lives to the place we’re immediately…has impacted the whole lot greater than I assumed something might. Level is…poor Dolly. Stress metropolis has continued for her I’ve little doubt although I’m an actual animal lover and have been my entire life and I’ve labored actually onerous to spoil and play along with her and meet her wants day-after-day…she remains to be displaying indicators of main stress..indicators I’ve by no means encountered earlier than. Examples: she will probably be affectionate briefly however in a short time (I’ve come to have the ability to learn her and more often than not…can keep away from…her sudden 189shift to biting me and/or scratching me…onerous! This isn’t over stimulated play time gone awry. She’s over stimulated which occurs in a short time!!…after which ‘corrects’ me by biting to inform me to cease. Which I do. Or, if I’m taking part in ‘mouse’ along with her ( toy mouse on wand..her favourite!) and the decide up the telephone whereas taking part in along with her, she’s going to chew me to specific her disapproval of me sharing my consideration with one thing else.
Now…enter my new little bot kitten whom I knew it will take a transition (cats all the time do…it appears) however as I’m attempting to navigate this new starting…I’m realizing, maybe for the primary time(??…perhaps I didn’t need to see it earlier than) how broken Dolly is…soooo very pressured…lengthy earlier than 7 days in the past after I thought a pal could be good for her (she typically acts bored and lonely ….diving to home windows to observe outdoors cats go by or a squirrel and so on,) in addition to me…attempting to steadiness my life which has grow to be so out of steadiness as a 24/7 caretaker.
So…after studying your essay on suggestions for getting two cats to get coexist…I feel I’m performing some issues proper.
We bought a pet ‘’display screen door’ that blocks the brand new kitten into his personal room (filled with assets for his wants) with a view to hold him secure and separated from Dolly whereas the required acclimation time takes place…nonetheless lengthy that takes…whereas permitting him to see into the hallway and for Dolly to have the ability to see and odor him too…with out having the ability to injure him.
At first, Dolly wouldn’t even go down the corridor even after I knew she needed to…for instance, to sleep with me at evening as typical.
It’s been every week now. Dolly has laid away from the display screen staring on the kitten who reacts solely with curiosity ( no aggression) and continues to growl and hiss at him
That’s the place we’re at. After studying your article, I’ve been doubling up on my loving of Dolly attempting to de-stress her from…as I’ve defined, a horrible excellent storm of stress that Dolly has needed to cope with…lengthy earlier than every week in the past. And now what? Questioning if there’s any extra perception into our story and if there’s hope that we, too, can no less than coexist in some semblance of a cheerful household. Each these lovely kitties deserve the perfect dwelling on the earth (as all of them do)…however feeling horrible that my ignorance has and perhaps can not make our dwelling the most effective for them…which is nearly unattainable to write down these phrases as a result of I like them each a lot.
I hope I’m writing to the suitable place to succeed in you in addition to I hope I haven’t taken up an excessive amount of of your time. Your expertise, phrases and perspective appeared to ring true to me and, once more, as I discussed at the start, ones I haven’t heard about earlier than (ie. Stress not the brand new cat is probably..the true reason for what in any other case seems to be a cat .drawback
Any assist/perception you may be capable of give me could be so very appreciated.
If not. I perceive. I’m out of concepts too.
Thanks, Elise, both manner for even studying this (in case you are) and for caring for kitties a lot… for giving …a lot… of your self…with a view to attempt to assist…and love …these wonderful animals.
God bless you!!
Cindy
My Recommendation to Cindy: Methods to Assist Her 5 Yr Outdated Grownup Cat Settle for the New Kitten’s Presence With Much less Anxiousness
I might completely by no means need to give false hope to anybody, however in all my years having lived with, adopted off the streets, primarily fostered, and actually well-loved many varieties of personalities of cats, I really feel like there are few cats whose behaviours can’t be improved over time.
Generally the problematic behaviours are foolish little issues that every one cats do you could simply prepare them out of. Like leaping on counters. However probably the most tough ones that actually stick round for a very long time, and are problematic in a manner that makes you continue to ever-so-empathetic – these are virtually completely right down to stress and nervousness.
And so this may be very difficult to cope with! As you stated, therapeutic a cat bodily is so fast and simple! A lot simpler than getting a cat to emotionally transfer previous the stress and nervousness that they carry. Similar for us as people more often than not, isn’t it?
However again to your specific scenario, as a result of I actually personally see so much of hope right here. And I’m not saying this air-headedly or flippantly in any respect. There’s a whole lot of hope for lots of causes, however what you have got going for you is:
- You’re attempting. Which is the primary and most simple step, however is one so few individuals actually proceed to do over time as a result of it’s onerous to proceed to attempt for a sustained time period.
- You’re clearly empathetic. And actually learn them as greatest as you may. The instances the place you couldn’t predict one thing would occur earlier than it did, you continue to understood why it occurred after it did. Which is a massively great tool that’s going to work so that you can make this example higher.
- You’re dwelling so much (and kudos to you for being the caretaker in your husband – not a simple job in any respect to be each spouse and caretaker!! Very spectacular!), which implies you have got the one-on-one time with the cats all through the day which is so helpful since constant quick bursts are rather more helpful while you’re attempting to coach a cat.
- You’ve acquired the fundamentals down, and also you’re nonetheless wanting extra issues to attempt. That is enormous, so I’m going to attempt to offer you a recreation plan right here.
Now I’m going to say one thing you most likely didn’t anticipate to listen to…
It’s doable that your new kitten may also help your grownup, pressured and anxious kitty to heal her nervousness and grow to be much less nervous.
I began writing about my firsthand expertise with this transformation over time with my first cat Avery and the way he now has a significantly better life because of the 2 cats, although he hated them at first.
Then realized this was a publish in itself, so I’ll inform that story one other day. Subscribe to this weblog and keep tuned if you wish to learn that story (and I’ll replace this weblog publish with the hyperlink when it’s up). (Edit 2024-01-08: The brand new publish is up now, you may see it right here!)
However again to your case. Your outdated cat is performing out with you in ways in which she would have acted out if she had siblings. She’s biting you as if you’re a fluffy little cat mamma and doesn’t need to damage you, but in addition doesn’t know the way to get her manner – the eye she desires, and possibly additionally solely has you to get consideration from, because it sounds prefer it’s simply you and your husband in that dwelling and he certainly can not give her the eye you do.
You’re all she’s acquired. Up till now. So it’s possible you’ll discover that these two start to assist and heal one another as they develop collectively. However first you’ve acquired to get them to co-exist, after which the magic occurs slowly, over time, on their very own, as they study to forge a relationship with one another.
And sure, the magic occurs in methods you don’t anticipate it to, typically. And isn’t excellent. Nevertheless it normally does occur.
To get them to co-exist, listed here are my methods, which you need to use as typically as you presumably can. As they may assist the method of acceptance.
1. Everytime you play along with your grownup cat, put your kitten in a service and place her close by.
At first this may stress out your grownup cat. Rather a lot. I seen what I assumed was an odd behaviour at first with my grownup cat Avery after I adopted my second cat, Bjorn.
Bjorn was much more playful, and Avery principally by no means performed, however when Bjorn would play Avery would get mad. Livid. Hiss and grumble audibly and even at factors the place in any other case he was nice with Bjorn, this is able to all the time set him off.
I feel being in play mode or seeing one other cat in play mode is to us fairly an harmless factor. It’s “play” to us, however to them, it’s most likely “follow looking” and even outright menace of a cat combat breaking out and thus potential damage. That’s not good while you take a look at it from their perspective. A cat they don’t belief getting hyperactive is gearing up for doing injury, and that could possibly be harmful.
So I began down the method of getting my cats to securely be capable of watch one another play, and that was the final step for me to actually get them okay with one another. However now that I do know what I do know, I feel this final piece can really start first.
Get your grownup cat to be the one to play in entrance of your youthful cat, all of the whereas your youthful cat is secure within the service. The grownup cat will get her wants met and be completely satisfied, and the youthful cat will probably be perceived as much less and fewer of a menace. While you’ve gotten just a few playtimes beneath your belt then…
2. Flip the script, begin placing your grownup cat in a service and putting her close by whilst you begin to play along with your kitten.
It will virtually definitely actually make your grownup cat actually pissed at first. However over time, after doing this course of many times, your grownup cat will simply cease caring. Magically.
As a result of she will’t care if each single time this hectic kind of scenario has occurred, actually no issues occurred. It’s publicity remedy primarily. However with probably the most extraordinarily problematic scenario (i.e. the grownup cat has to observe one other cat follow looking and being aggressive) being watched again and again and nothing going improper.
This I feel probably will assist probably the most over time.
3. Begin placing the kitten right into a service and putting the service on the sofa subsequent to you as you cuddle your older cat.
This course of might take time to get to, and you’ll have to start out off with the kitten in a service and sniffing and hissing after which slowly and steadily work your manner towards your kitten having the ability to be within the service on the couch whereas your grownup cat is subsequent to you.
However the final objective is to have the 2 cats there, however the kitten secure, and the grownup cat getting spoiled and love and affection of all the kinds she loves whereas the kitten is current and watching.
And nothing for the kitten to start out with. All for the grownup cat. It will assist the grownup cat perceive that the brand new kitten won’t ever get between you and her. And that the kitten isn’t a menace to her relationship with you. Really, she might even start to study that when the kitten comes out in a service, meaning she’s certain to get cuddles and affection, so she might even begin to affiliate the kitten with completely satisfied ideas and emotions, which is your final objective.
4. Begin placing the kitten within the service and let your grownup cat roam for just a few hours, and put your grownup cat in a service and let your kitten roam for just a few hours.
It will permit them to work together rather more carefully, however once more, with no risk of getting violent with one another.
What Ought to Finally Occur
You must finally see the cats start to cease caring about one another as a result of they not understand one another as threats.
At that time, begin feeding them collectively, begin snuggling each on the similar time, do as many issues because the outdated cat loves along with her whereas the brand new cat is current as doable. She ought to begin to make the affiliation that the brand new cat is simply nice to have round.
In the event that they’re overtly IGNORING one another – like you may inform that one is “watching” the opposite out of the nook of their eye and simply not doing something about it, you could be shocked to study this can be a good signal.
It means the opposite cat has gone from being an overt menace, to one thing the cat has begun to tolerate. Ignoring is step one of just about any nervousness beginning to dwindle down.
Catit Design Senses Meals Maze – Amazon / Chewy
There’s a bit in your story that you just shared the place you stated this: “Dolly has laid away from the display screen staring on the kitten who reacts solely with curiosity ( no aggression) and continues to growl and hiss at him.” I really learn that as an excellent signal.
As curiosity and “preserving her eye” on the brand new kitten, is a primary step towards ignoring in my expertise. Maintain at it, I really feel like with time, they positively are displaying indicators in co-existing with out violence someplace down the road.
After all it will probably all the time return a step or two, so all the time be sure your cats are monitored till you’re 100% positive there is not going to be violence if you happen to go away them alone collectively. Maintain them sperate with their very own areas as you have got been, and even when they’ve a one step ahead, two steps again relationship, if you happen to hold at it, the script will flip and they need to start to make much more progress towards peace between one another.
I’ve just a few odd suggestions and methods insofar as your remark about your cat turning into overstimulated rapidly and biting you to attempt to “right” you – however once more I’ll save these for one more article as a result of they’re a subject on their very own! Once more for these subscribe to this weblog and keep tuned if you wish to about this, and I may also replace this weblog publish with the hyperlink when that article is up.
Your Ideas on Outdated Cats Hating New Kittens?
Have you ever had any expertise with outdated cats hating the brand new kitten on the block?
Have you ever any tales to share with us? Any suggestions or methods you may provide Cindy? Any phrase of recommendation or encouragement?
I’d love to listen to all of your ideas and experiences within the feedback down under! And I’m positive Cindy will recognize each one you allow as nicely!